So, I haven’t written in some time about my dreams. Marriage, life, adjustments, etc, came up. But I’ll try to get back in my groove and write more, generally. That leads me into a dream I had last night, in which I thought it was a grand, fun, exciting idea to move to Japan for “work”. I have no idea what my work/job was supposed to be, but as my oldest sister, A, was already living and working in Japan. She’d agreed to let me live with her. I thought things were made up real good for me.
I was so bubbly and excited to get over there; but once I got over there, almost the very first step I took off the plane, I immediately regretted it. A lot. My thoughts focused heavily on my husband (who I was dating and not married to in my dream) and how I regretted moving so far away from him. Would he forget me? Would his love wane? With such feelings, I became cranky, despondent, disagreeable.
A took me to eat out for dinner with 2 of her acquaintances: young to middle-aged men of that typical slightly disheveled, nerdy look that hinted that both worked, in some capacity, making MMOs. The place we swat down to eat at was a rather loud, lowly-lit diner with a brown glowing type feel. It was loud enough to be distracting and I didn’t like the ambiance of low, golden lights and counter strips.
The two men sitting across from us at our table were very lively talking all about dragons, models, levels, items, challenges at work to make maps, etc. They both were wearing sweat jackets, jeans, and one had glasses on. Overall, to me, they looked like typical, somewhat clueless, immature bachelors that had miraculously found their dream jobs of both designing and play-making video games. If not for their current jobs, they wouldn’t have been able to find jobs. I found it all overbearingly annoying and was disgusted at the men, judgmentally thinking to myself, “grow up already. No wonder you’re still single.”
The two men didn’t seem to notice or care I was in bad mood, but A eventually asked me why I was acting so grumpy. I told her about my feelings to be so far away from my boyfriend and that I was also scared of not being able to navigate in a country with a language and writing I didn’t know. Also, what was I going to do for work? Though she’d told me before, I couldn’t remember clearly. It all felt so fuzzy to me. She assured me everything would be fine, but didn’t answer my question about my job tasks.
But it wasn’t fine. When she took me to her apartment, I lingered in my small, dark wood-paneled room, feeling doomed and depressed and more angry at myself. I had 1 window at the center back. The roof slanted downward at the right side, and a twin-sized bed had been placed under the sloping roof. There was also 1 wooden chair and a dresser with a few drawers. All of it was brown, except white light came in through the window.
I thought, what possessed me to do this? I had great things going for me in the states. Am I out of my mind? How will I talk with my boyfriend, since there’s a 5 hr difference in time (I know the difference is more — but it’s a dream…)? I have no idea what became of me, as that was the point in my dream that I awoke.
Lately, I’ve slowly been self-teaching my self Hangul/Hangeul and doing reading about Korean history all the way back from the Proto Three Kingdoms Period up until the present. I took 1 year of Japanese language years ago in college. So, as I’ve been learning little bits of Korean, I see similarities between the 2 languages that I find interesting (but not surprising, given the long, close history of the immediately-surrounding nations + China). Somewhat related topics like ESL teaching in Korean, hag-won schools, and Japanese and Korean culture still floats around in my mind. I think this dream was a strange mixture of those things.
Also, in February 2020, my husband and I will be going to Korea. I think I still hold some trepidation over that, and it spilled over into this dream as me going to Japan without him. I would be terrifying to me if I had to meet all his relatives without him; or if he left me alone for some time in Korea. I’d be unnerved to be alone with his extended family, and I wouldn’t be able to aptly get around any town or city. My feeble bit of Hangul would do nothing for me.